Going Solo - Chapter 1.3 - The Gift

A few nights later, I ran into Matthew at the Prosper Room.  I wasn't there on official company business, but the studio did want me promoting the newest release.  I really just wanted to be busy, but running into him defeated that purpose.

It was hard to not cause a scene.  I had so many emotions that I didn't know what might come out of my mouth.  Somehow I managed to just play it very cool, at least on the outside.

We danced so that we could talk things out and not draw any attention.  I guess it helped mask the body language but it sent mixed signals to both of us.  I could tell that I wasn't the only one confused.  Matthew told me that he was with Kirby but it was only because he had to be.  Kirby apparently had some dirt on him and was pushing him to be with her.  I tried to press for more, but Matthew wouldn't say anymore.

I ran into William Fangman in the lobby and he told me that he had a gift for me.  I had briefly met him and we had spoken about our mutual friend Elvira.  He said the gift was from her but he was delivering it.  I was curious as I had not spoken with Elvira since before Hayden was born.

Before I knew it, he had taken a chunk out of my arm.  I could feel a fire rip through my body and the pain was excruciating.  I tried to let out a scream but nothing would come out.

The pain was so intense that I thought I was going to black out. The entire room dimmed and I felt as if I was caught in some type of dream or walking nightmare.  This surely couldn't be happening.  

As he slowly relinquished my body, I could hear that evil laugh that Elvira had and her words echoed through my head..."Be careful, most people in Bridgeport have nefarious intent and newcomers are always a treat".  Was this really a gift or did she just curse me?

Maybe it was my weakened state, but when Matthew asked me to meet him in the VIP room and skinny dip, I gave no resistance.  I was still in pain from my meeting in the lobby.

I couldn't help but love him.  I knew that he could be playing me and that this was going to stop me from finding the right man.  But maybe he was being truthful.  I couldn't trust myself in my condition so I didn't fight what my instinct was - to take him at face value.

When I got home, I collapsed as I tried to drag myself to the bedroom.  I was sure the paparazzi would be swooping, but to my relief, there were none around.

I'm going to get rid of this paper.  I mean it.  Every time I have a nice evening with Matthew, the rug gets pulled out from under me.  Today, the announcement is that Kirby and Matthew are expecting a second child.  I can feel the rage and hurt boiling up in me.  Perhaps I was only to blame but I finally had read the last bit of news to make up my mind.

I started looking at other men in town.  I was still desired by many and I was returning their interest.  It still hurt, but the attention did have a somewhat healing effect on me.

Matthew and I worked on the set together and neither of us could even look at each other.  I could see shame on his face.  Was it because he knew he was playing me or was he really trapped in a situation he could not get out of?  I could not tell but for once, I really didn't care.

I had risen to a higher level in the celebrity ranks and limo's were now picking me up regularly.  After work, I would check in on Hayden briefly and then have the driver whisk me away so that I could dance and drown my pain in nectar.

I tried to stay distracted at the club but all anyone could speak of was that Matthew Hamming, Bridgeport's original most eligible bachelor, was married and having a second child. 

I tried to ignore the details of their wedding and instead poured my heart into a plate of greasy bar wings.  I didn't feel better but I didn't feel worse either.  I just felt numb.

I tried to pretend that the tears in my eyes were from the hot sauce.  I don't think I fooled anyone.  But then, nobody really talked about my relationship with Matthew.  For some reason, it seemed to stay out of the gossip circles.  Perhaps Matthew had more pull than I originally thought.

Even Hayden began acting out.  It seemed that he could sense that things were not right.  I felt ashamed that I was letting this pain make me neglect my child.  It had to stop.  I just needed to take control.

Just when I thought things were looking up, Elvira's 'gift' came rushing over my body.  I felt as if my insides were being roasted over a camp fire.  It burned and I couldn't stop it even if I tried.

In a flash, I was no more.  This wasn't me.  The naive Sela that had been standing here before was gone.  I could sense things that I had never imagined.  Complex problems seemed to vanish and I could see clearly.  I felt strong and brave.  And suddenly, a plan was forming in my mind....